Eyes Wide Open

For the past week, I’ve been tracking the effects that social media withdrawal has had on my life. This experiment is one I’m familiar with as I frequently detox from media when it’s taking over my life too much. The difference this time is that I set a boundary of time that I needed to keep up the detox and I needed to track the times when I reached for a social app which made me much more aware of its absence. 

For this week, I decided to delete all my ‘scrolling’ apps which include TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook. I would later discover that in desperate times, YouTube can also become a scrolling app. I tracked every moment when I tried to open one of those apps or reached for my phone with the purpose of opening one and I noted my reason for wanting to go on social media at the time. To visualize my data, I’ve created a Garden of Disconnection. Each flower represents one day, and each petal represents a moment when I reached for an app. For business reasons, I needed to redownload both Facebook and Instagram on Friday, but I made sure to strictly use them when needed for work and then immediately closed them out when I was done. 

I wish I could say that my week was super productive and that I’m inspired to continue this next week without social media but I’d be lying. Bailey Parnell explains the feeling of loss that I experienced this week in this portion of her TED Talk. 

Social media is a drug and I struggled with withdrawals. I had random moments between classes or waiting in lines where I became hyper focused on everyone around me, what I looked like, and who was looking at me. I thought the absence of social media would help me get my homework done faster but I just found other apps to distract myself. In one instance, I found myself actively trying to find something else to procrastinate with. It took more energy than if I had just done my work. 

It’s hard to imagine that something so insignificant can have such an adverse effect on my life. As I finished this week, I’m jarred and shocked at my experience. While I had some challenging moments, I had the opportunity to be more conscious of my usage and the influence that scrolling has on my daily life. I will reflect on this knowledge frequently. Every time I click those dangerous icons, I’ll do it mindfully– knowing how each tap of my finger is another shot of dopamine. And hopefully, one day, I can finally make it to rehab.